A Divorce Parenting Plan:

How to Help Your Children Cope and Thrive in Troubled Times

Children Need Reassurance and Direction During a Divorce

A  divorce parenting plan makes sense for many reasons. Going through their parents' divorce is a hard experience for most children. Some of my child clients have told me that it was like getting a divorce themselves.

One way you can reduce the wear and tear on your kids and make the aftermath of the divorce go more smoothly is to create a basic parenting plan.

Both spouses should develop the divorce parenting plan together and agree to implement it for the sake of the children. Your children will fare much better if you prepare a plan that both spouses will use in a consistent way. That way the kids have the same rules and expectations when they are with either parent.

Be sure you both agree to never put the kids "in the middle" . . . let them see harmony and cooperation on your part. This will be an important life lesson. And no child should be used by a spouse to hurt the other spouse, or alienated from a parent.

A Good Divorce Parenting Plan

A good plan should include the following:

1. A statement of agreement about the purpose of the plan, date and signatures of both parents
2. A basic philosophy as to how the children will be parented
3. Standards of conduct for the parents and expectations for parental behavior
4. A schedule of the time the children will spend with each parent and transportation provisions
5. How disputes will be handled and resolved
6. Emergency plan in case of an accident, disease, or death of a parent
7. What happens if someone breaks the agreement
8. Financial agreements: who pays what and when
9. Provisions for updating or reviewing the parent plan
10. Religious training
11. How will medical and dental needs be met and who is responsible
12. Child care standards and arrangements

You can think of other items that could go into the plan, based on your unique situation. Remember to negotiate any points you disagree about . . . with both partners being satisfied. The framework above will give you an idea of what you can include in your divorce parenting plan.

Benefits of a Divorce Parenting Plan

Developing a divorce parenting plan is a positive step that will make it easier for the children to cope with the divorce and prevent unnecessary conflicts between the parents.

The plan will set an expectation for co-parenting so that the burden falls equally on both parents and the kids never feel like they have lost one parent.

An effective divorce parenting pan is a great way to not only help the children, but streamline the task of parenting in the aftermath of a divorce. In essence, a parenting plan sets healthy expectations for parental behavior and helps to prevent arguments, fights and feuds, which can only negatively impact the children.

It will help the parents to stay calm, remain unemotional and behave in a mature fashion. And it will reassure the children that there will always be cooperation among their parents rather than conflict and competition.

Following a Win-win Plan for Your Divorce Helps Your Children to Cope More Effectively and to Stay Happy

A basic divorce parenting document will serve as a symbol of the parents' good will and positive intentions. It will help to maintain the integrity of the original family, and allow the kids access to both parents.

How can you lose if you and your ex agree to create your own parenting plan - one that will keep your children out of the middle and allow them to keep healthy relationships with both parents?

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