Tips for Happy Relationships:
Find Your Relationship Gold

Relationships used to be more art than science, but our tips for happy relationships come from the science of relationships. Today we know what makes relationships work. And we understand what specific skills make relationships rewarding and successful. In this article, I will cover some of the key strategies and skills you can use to build strong, resilient relationships that stand the test of time, and to solve relationship problems.

We'll cover the following topics and more:

How to Keep Your Lover's Respect and Adoration
Love More and Argue Less
Get Over Arguments and Fights FAST How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage Let Love Be the Answer Repair a Broken Relationship Before It's Gone Forever Stop Feeling Lonely in a Crowd

People remember the time they spend with you, not the words you say.

Every relationship is worth its weight in gold, if it works for both partners, and if it makes both partners happy. But relationships are hard, and to build a happy and successful relationship that will survive life's ups and downs, you'll have to know what you're doing...or find out. Let's dig into our relationship toolbox and spotlight a few of the most powerful tips for happy relationships--relationships with romantic partners, parent-child relationships, business relationships and friendships all require a similar kind of care and attention.

How to Keep Your Lover's Respect and Admiration

Building relationships is like flying kites. Anyone can start a relationship, but not just anyone can keep it going. Once a big gust of wind comes along, or the wind dies, you must know how to respond in order to keep your kite flying. Keeping your lover's respect and admiration boils down to a few main steps.

Be sure you to keep your friendship alive. Best friends love and respect each other, so remain best friends! Never let anything or anyone pull you apart. Once the friendship dies, the relationship will follow. Never place your relationship on the back burner of the stove; keep it front and center, no matter what happens.

Take time for each other. Be like best buds. Have fun and talk. Never stop bonding. Do the things that best friends do. Be playful. Laugh and love. Don't turn away from each other; turn toward each other. And keep doing it. Keep it going. And remember . . .

Friendship fans the flames of romance!

Love More and Argue Less

Arguing is a form of verbal sparring or fighting, only the blows you trade are not physical, but the damage can be even greater. Besides, who wants to spend their time arguing? Only someone who has forgotten how to be happy. Let's talk about how to argue less and love more.

A key strategy among my tips for happy relationships lies in learning how to spend less time arguing in any relationship. How? Make a list of the things you argue about repeatedly or endlessly and make a joint decision to stop arguing over anything on that list.

Why?

Every couple has futile things they argue about, such as politics or religion, and neither will ever change the other's mind, so agree to stop wasting time and energy arguing about the same old things. It's like being stuck in perpetual mud.

So just stop.

You'll both have more time to enjoy life, and you'll stop getting mad over issues that can't be resolved.

Why spend all your time arguing?

Get Over Arguments and Fights Fast

Similar to the point above, it takes self-discipline to curb fighting and arguing, but it can be done, and here's how in a nutshell. John Gottman, PhD, the amazing relationship researcher and therapist, advises couples to focus on "I" statements and expressing feelings without BLAMING the other person.

Focus on each other's needs without finding fault or putting each other down. Talk about how you feel and what you need, but don't make demands or give your partner insults, which would only render the discussion useless.

And this involves a "soft startup" which means to begin the conversation positively and calmly, rather than hurling accusations or angry statements at each other. And if the discussion turns into an angry argument, then STOP before it gets worse. Once your heart rate gets too high, you won't be able to have a productive conversation anyway.

You can finish the conversation another time when you are both CALM. Remember to make "I" statements, not "you" statements. Start and end positively, showing mutual respect for each other's feelings and views.

How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage: Seven Tips for Happy Relationships

1. Keep communication lines open. Avoid sweeping stuff under the rug! Avoiding problems won't fix them.

2. No one retreats into a private world to avoid the relationship on the other's watch.

3. Turn towards your partner, not away from, to get the help, love and support you need. Avoid going to someone else and starting a dangerous triangle!

4. Develop a system of managing conflict that works for both of you and deal with your conflict; don't sweep it under the rug. Note: the most successful couples get over their arguments and tiffs FAST. Couples get stuck in ruts when they avoid each other and let their disagreements spiral into icy efforts to shun each other.

5. Both of you must work hard to help each other's dreams come true.

6. Keep expanding your knowledge of each other as time goes by, and build shared meaning together as you experience life and have fun together.

7. Never stop expressing fondness and admiration for each other. Tell your partner how much you love their twinkling eyes or shining locks. Give love poems to each other. Show your partner how much you treasure them.

Find time for simple but special moments together.

Let Love Be the Answer

Let love do the talking and let love be the answer to every question or problem. When you make decisions, think about how they will affect your loved ones, and ask what choices will affect them the most positively. Don't make decisions from emotion or panic; use love and logic (and a little intuition) to make all decisions. If you are not comfortable with a decision you are making, look more deeply within until you find a solution that works and makes you feel good about it.

Repair a Broken Relationship Before It's Gone Forever

Think twice before you burn a bridge because it will almost always come back to haunt you. Stop before you do irreparable damage to a relationship and think about how you can repair it.

Be humble; take the blame; say you're sorry; turn the other cheek; do whatever you must do to save the relationship. You can find a way to make it work, if you try, and if not, always end it on a positive note, if possible.

Note: There are some abusive or harmful relationships you must simply get out of as quickly as possible.

Look within, ask for help from the wiser people in your life and your Higher Power (pray and meditate about it), before you burn a bridge.

Kindness is a great way to reduce loneliness.

Stop Feeling Lonely in a Crowd

Okay, why this one? How does it apply to relationships? This may not quite fit with my other tips for happy relationships, but I'm including it because so many people write to me with questions about how to overcome loneliness.

Yes, loneliness is a huge problem today!

My main strategy is to make friends wherever you go. Think of it this way. Just be nice to people. Be thoughtful and kind. Open a door for someone. Smile and say hello. You never know when you may make someone's day.

If you're lonely, reach out to others. Be thankful for the help you receive and for the opportunity to help others, even in the smallest of ways. Do random acts of kindness.

I'm writing this in a bookstore near my home. When I came in tonight, someone opened the front door for me. Naturally, I was going to do it, but they wanted to do it for me. I thanked them and told them how much I appreciated their kindness. They were so happy to hear that. Then I opened the door for someone else who was coming in behind me. We started up a brief conversation that made us all feel good.

And why not? We were all entering our happy place full of good books and kind people. Why not be happy?

My father, who didn't know about my tips for happy relationships, made friends everywhere he went. He made friends with waiters and waitresses, bartenders, baristas, and customers. He made friends on the golf course and in the bowling alley. He made people feel good. He showed an interest in them. He paid the toll for other drivers on toll roads. He lived every second to the hilt.

And he made the world a better place. And so can we. One relationship at a time.