Marital Communication Tips

Keys to a Happy Marriage

Marital communication tips will help you to improve your marriage and spend less time arguing and more time having fun. Improving your marriage doesn't have to be rocket science. Try these simple tips to make your most important relationship work better than ever.


Smiling couple looking at each other with touching noses amidst a light snowfallCritical and hurtful language creates anger and shame, driving a wedge between the two spouses. Speak to your spouse in an upbeat and empowering way, and avoid the use of criticism.


Marital Communication Tips

1. Improving the friendship is the single most important step you can take to improve communication and marital satisfaction. A close friendship brings many rewards and serves the relationship in countless ways, and makes it easier to discuss problems. Busy couples often find that spending more time together, taking time to listen without being critical or judging, and having more fun in your relationship fans the flames of friendship and romance. Time spent building your friendship is time well-spent, an investment in the relationship. Remember, a close friendship is the key to the kingdom. Even partners who've been together for a long time can learn more about each other and expand their love maps. 

2. Tell the truth. One of the biggest marital communication tips! The failure to be honest with your spouse, by withholding information or not being fully authentic, creates conflict, and makes life harder, setting you up for more communication problems. The lack of honesty creates a burden for everyone to bear. It's simply better to say what's in your heart, and saying it in a gentle but direct way... even if it means invoking the spouse's disappointment.

Remember, honesty is the best policy, and it increases trust and confidence and, in the long run, good will. Honesty IS the best policy. For more relationship problem solving help, see our innovative and original guide to saving relationships, Relationship Gold, or sign up for our newsletter to get regular marital relationship tips delivered to your inbox. 

3.Take the pain out of conflict. Face the pink elephant in the room. Talk about the problems that are important to you. Allow for two different points of view. Your partner doesn't have to agree with you. Accept differences, face issues and move on. If you sweep conflict under the carpet, it just grows larger. Discuss, but don't argue or shout. Disagree without pushing each other away. Avoid getting mad when your partner doesn't agree with you. Be supportive and understanding. Agree to disagree.

Remember you can't have great relationships if you can't control your emotions. And controlling your emotions is the key to handling conflict with ease. 

Couple sitting on a bench having funA Positive, Humorous Approach to Communication Makes for A Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship

4. Focus on the positive and make your self-talk or internal thought process more positive and hopeful. Instead of focusing on your relationship's shortcomings and partner's faults, train your attention on the assets and positive qualities. Instead of dwelling on the problems in the relationship, think about the good points. Watch how you talk to yourself about the relationship.

Use a sense of humor to laugh at yourself and to make conflict easier to digest. For every minute you spend arguing, spend two minutes laughing. You'll both enjoy life more and have more fun. 

Place faith in the relationship. If you dwell on the negative, that's all you'll see and get. Be thankful for the good things, even if they're simple. Cherish the good things, like your partner's beautiful smile or the lovely sound of their sleepy voice. 

5. Develop an optimistic communication style and focus on the solution, not the problem. Avoid accusations and finger-pointing. But use "I Statements" and make requests. For example, "Honey, I'd like to apologize for the way I acted this morning," or "I'd like for you to put your phone down and look at me when we talk." Assume every problem can be solved and express a calm sense of confidence in your relationship by using a pleasant tone of voice, volume and rate of speech. 

Stay calm no matter what. Instead of telling yourself the world's coming to an end when a problem occurs, or a traumatic memory from the past comes up, change your self-talk to, "I can handle this" or "this may not be great, but we'll get through it." Your communication style will become more optimistic too. Find the good in every situation. Point the good things out to your spouse, rather than letting problems hypnotize you both. Remember, anything you focus on becomes bigger and more powerful. So focus your thoughts on the good!

6. Treat words as potential weapons and use them lovingly. When I work with couples, I often feel amazed at the things spouses say to each other. Sadly, using critical and hurtful language creates anger and shame, and drives a wedge between the two spouses. Speak to your spouse in an respectful and empowering way, and avoid the use of criticism.

Remember, criticism is a double-edged sword! A good rule of thumb is to speak to your spouse the way you did when you first met... show respect, kindness and patience. No matter how long you've been together. And don't throw the darts of criticism at your partner. As weapons, darts do more damage than good. Avoiding criticism is one of the most powerful marital communication tips. 

Marital Communication Tips: To Sum It Up

Anyone can use these five top tips to make their marriage better. Start by recognizing the strengths of your relationship and avoid the temptation to focus on shortcomings and flaws. Improve your friendship, be honest, take the pain out of conflict, stay positive, and don't throw arrows at your partner with ugly words. Try these simple tips for making your marriage stronger, and you'll be rewarded by a relationship that flourishes as the years pass – one that makes you a stronger, healthier person.